So I've been off anxiety medication for almost 2 years now. But I'm so stressed. And I've been stressed before...but it felt temporary. This feels permanent. And I know, "if you're stressed your living in the future". Exactly. I am. I see that and...I can't fix it. I understand that the "now" is the knot thing that really exists.
I suppose I am falling into old habits. Stressing over things I can't help/change. Wanting to be in control, stressing when I cannot be in control...etc. Even though I know there is no true control. I don't know. Maybe I'll lay out what's stressing me?
Put simply, the future. Both the immediate future (next few months) and long term (next few years). Here's a list of things I'm stressing over for the next few months:
Moving; finding somewhere to live
I'd kind of like to live w Garren...for many reasons. One - well why not? I mean, we spend every night together anyway. Also, I like being with him, he makes me happy. And, finally, financially it would make sense. If we spend so much time together, why not live together and save both of us money?
I don't want to because: we've only been together for like, three months. He's never lived wjth anyone. I feel like I annoy him a lot. I like time along and so does he. If I move in his place, we'll really have no room to be alone.
Negating the idea of living with him, if I live on my own I need to find somewhere to live. I need to put down a deposit. I need to buy all the shit I don't have that's autumn's.
Future stressors that 100% do not matter: what am I doing? Like...am I staying here? It doesn't really matter either way does it? Why am I even worrying about that?!
I guess that's all. Idk. I'm just irritable. And once again...oh yeah, I didn't mention this...autumn is moving to Fayetteville. Soooo...yeah. I'll get into that separately or something. Fuck. Ugh.
