I feel a lot better right now than I did last night and today. I applied places today and spoke to some job recruiters on the phone. But I was like, soooo not in life. I tried to work out. I ended up crying.
I have been applying to places EVERYWHERE. Fucking Alaska. Why not? I have nothing keeping me here. Other than connections, and I obviously have more connections here than I do anywhere else. I'm actually pretty bad ass at networking, I'm not going to lie.
I actually have an interview tomorrow. I sent a text to someone I know from one of the charities I do stuff for. Literally, out of desperation. I had no idea that her family owned the company. In like, two minutes she asked if I could come in tomorrow. I was like, wtf?! But then my mom told me about her family and I was like, oooohhh. I feel as if I should tell her I didn't know that. I literally was just desperate. But their company is super legit and I'm really excited.
This is another (kind of) insanity thing, which thankfully, according to Errity is normal, BUT I felt today as if I was fucking going to lose it if I had to sit around feeling useless/worthless one more day. I cannot sit still for that long. And yeah, I could find an activity or Pinterest some shit or something, BUTTTT I feel as if I need to dedicate 100% of my day to job searching. Which I basically do. But even when I work out I feel like I'm wasting valuable time. It's like an obsession. My brain is clearly focused on obsession currently.
I had a Jaycee meeting tonight and Joe was like, "You've had some pretty shitty things happen to you lately". Yes Joe, thank you. I was unaware. I saw John on Saturday and had completely forgotten because I was so drunk. He recounted some conversations for me that I didn't remember. Those guys are nice and fun, but damn. That shit is rough. I can't drink that much or be that crude, and that's saying a lot coming from me. They drink like, every day. And then they're hungover and they do it again. And they're like, 7-8 years older than I am. My body hurt from this weekend until like, Tuesday.
Oh, so I mentioned people talking to me that I should like but am not really sure if I do. Well first off, Chris keeps talking to me/wanting me to come over and I just can't. And I cannot for the life of me figure out why he would want me to. I don't hate him or dislike him or feel anything negative towards him. But what purpose would my coming over serve? On my end, I wouldn't be lonely. But from his perspective? I don't want to be with him, I don't want him to think I want to be with him and I don't want to hurt his feelings. I just don't get it.
Anyway, people. Guys. I always say people because I speak gender neutrally and sometimes I think people think I might be bisexual or something and I'm actually not. That was off the wall buttttanywayyyy, guys. One particular person who has been talking to me and is very persistent is Matt's friend Adam. I say that like I know him through Matt, which I do not, I've also known him since jr. high and actually he was my 1st jr. high boyfriend lol. But I got reacquainted with him through Matt. And maybe stayed the night with him Friday. But did not have sex with him.
He is good. But again, I am hesitant for several reasons. One, I don't know if I am really attracted to him. I mean, I think I am actually. But two, I'm resistant because he's a normal human being, owns a house, has a real job and might want to be serious with me in the future. And that shit is scary.
PARADOX OF HUMAN LIFE.
Or just mine.
Or I'm an idiot.
That's all I have to say about that, Forrest.
So I'm almost done, but I have one more thing to add. That is also weird. Everything I say is though...
I bought a crystal from The Atlantis King...who is really Tyler Saunders. Anyway, that Australian can just have me anytime. Ugh. So I bought this thing from him, it's pretty sweet. I had it in my bed for awhile and just remembered it last night because I was feeling needy and wanted to channel my negative energy into something. So I put it back in my bed and googled it's healing properties just to see what it said. This is where synchronicities come in (also my computer doesn't recognize the word synchronicities, dumb). Here's what it said:
Keywords: Increase
Green calcite is a grounding and centering stone that brings stability. It increases success, prosperity, business, and fertility of all kinds. It is an excellent stone for gardening. It is also considered a stone of manifestation because of it's ability to develop increase in all areas.
Green calcite is said to enhance intuition and psychic abilities.
In the physical realm, green calcite benefits the heart, thymus, chest, shoulders, and lower lungs, heartburn, nervous tics, stammering, neurosis, arthritis and joint pain, kidney, bladder, general pain. Green calcite is also especially beneficial for healing tumors and other malignancies. It is particularly helpful with infections of the lungs, throat and sinuses. It is also used to balance and heal the endocrine system. Green calcite is also helpful for overcoming addictions and compulsive disorders. As with all calcites, green calcite is good for general health and healing, especially emotional and mental issues.
Green calcite is associated with the heart chakra.
SO WITH THAT SAID (yes, yelling), I clearly picked the right crystal. Or should I say, it picked me?
It's going to the interview with me, in my pocket and can be found within my proximity at all times. Because even if it's all bullshit, if it makes you feel good, why not?
Eh? Eh? Latergaterz.
you have a lovely blog keep on blogging! and yes readers might be from outside of the blogsphere ;)
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