This shitshow of life

So.  To coattail on my miserable last post, I got fired from my job.  Guess what for?  OH, that's right...Twitter.  My Twitter account wasn't protected...uhhhhhhh

Anyway.

I am, oddly enough, OK with this new life development.  I really enjoyed working there.  But hind sight is 20/20 and I could have seen myself getting suck there.  Also, my boss (who I live in the same town as and we know several of the same people) has already deleted me from Facebook.  For some reason, that bothers me and I find it extremely shitty.  

Either way, it happened yesterday and as soon as I left I was hysterical and insane.  I went to Sundazzlers and cried to Shaila.  I love her so much.  I knew she had to be the first person I talked to because she is spiritual and always, always says things to sooth me.  Which happened.  I stayed there for like, 3 hours.  And then went home.

When I got home I pretty much ate, showered and left.  Went to main to get shitty and to spend money I no longer have.  It was successful on both accounts.  I do commend myself for making the decision to not sleep with the guy who wanted me to stay over.  I...uncommend myself for driving home because I definitely shouldn't have done that.  I couldn't even unlock my front door and then I woke up and didn't know where I was.  Which is sad, because I was in my bed.

I still woke up (disappointingly) alive and bitter.  I am not quite sure what to do with myself.  Yes yes, I know, job hunt.  Duh, mother fucker.  I redid my resume.  Sent me resume to about a billion places, only a small percentage I actually qualify for.  I harassed my Facebook friends, real friends and family members to assist me.  The response I've gotten is both heart warming and gives me great hope.  Not just hope for me, but for humanity really.

I actually feel pretty good.  Aside from the stress I feel from the possibility of not being able to pay my bills.  But they will get paid.  I do kind of feel...freed.  And enlightened.

I deleted my Twitter account, which makes me SO SAD.  But I feel as if I was relying somewhat heavily on it to attach further to my ego.  It is one thing to recognize ego, it is another to find things to attach to it.

You know what does bother me?  I really liked everyone I worked with.  I can't say I don't like them now, but I can say that it is really disheartening to me that no one has contacted me.  I went to high school with one of the girls that works there.  It makes me sad she wouldn't say anything to me.

Another thing that bothers me is that my parents keep pressuring me to do something about it.  Like, what?  What should I do?  Yeah, I could probably hire a lawyer.  Obviously whatever I say is within my 1st amendment right, if that even exists anymore.  Even if I did, where is that going to get me?  My job back?  Fuck that.  Money?  Fuck that too. I just want to move on.  Lesson learned.  

My big mouth is not a lesson I learn easily.  It has gotten me into trouble...for as long as I can remember.  I have always been told to "think before I speak" and I have never listened to it.  And you know what?  I don't particularly care.  My only regret is that my account wasn't protected.  

This keeps popping into my head:  The other day I tweeted (duh) something to the affect of "The rug gets pulled from underneath you for a reason; that reason is so you can stand on solid ground".  I believe that, but if only I could have known how much better that statement would make me feel in a week.

I have talked to Ashley.  I called her yesterday, crying.  She was supportive and nice.  Still distant; I haven't heard from her today.  And really, she knows how "I am" and I am surprised that she hasn't called or text to check on my mental status.  It's ok though, because I am doing ok.

First my "time alone" was driving me crazy.  I am still not very good alone, I will admit.  I am just a social person.  But I was mourning the fight with Ash; the...uh...whatever with Matt.  Now something real happened that I could (and many/most people would) feel worse about.  And I somehow feel better.  

I would say, what else can go wrong?  But things can always go wrong, just as they can always go right.  In fact, there is no always. 

I am thankful for my health.  Currently I am extremely thankful for my found sanity, and for friends who have come out of the woodwork to support me.  I am thankful for my family and friends, and their health.  I am thankful to be alive.  And I am thankful for this learning opportunity.  

As Marilyn Monroe said, "I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together".  Well said Marilyn, well said.