Got job, think I lost both Matt and Korey. Literal: win some, lose some situation.
I was wrong. I don't really care about Matt.
That's not what I mean/meant. I do. I do not care if he talks to me/wants to be with me/doesn't want to be with me.
I do care about Korey, andddd as usual, I fucked shit up.
How/whyyy? Oh, by being drunk, of fucking course.
I am going to admit something here, and here only: I think I have a drinking problem. It's not addiction or anything like that. It's an actual problem with drinking. Every time I drink, I black out. Every. Single. Time. That is not good.
So I said something to Korey. Who knows what I said or about what, but he is unhappy with me. I do know that I said, "Guys want to fuck me". I am such a hoosier lush. Who says that? And why? And who cares? Of course guys wants to fuck me, I am a female. Guys pretty much want to fuck any female. Why would I say that? I don't even remember saying it, he just repeated it back to me several times, and that sunk in.
I cried myself to sleep last night. So hard, that when I woke up, my eyes were so puffy, they had puff creases. Then I cried when I woke up.
I know like; universe, realtionships, reflections, nonattachment, no expectations, lessons, etc. But I am hurt. Mostly at myself, which sounds dumb I know, "hurt at myself". But really. I put myself in this situation and I fucked it up and I hurt now.
That's all I really have to say for now.
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