Things about my life

I am hoping that since I changed my name, I am unidentifiable on here. Because I think a lot of things I say would piss people off.  

Whatever.

Anyway, I got a job.  Actually I got it like, two weeks ago.  I've just been tired and busy and lazy.  Ok, I kind of take lazy back.  Obviously I work normal mon-fri hours, still at the Dazz a few days and I run.  So it's hard to find time to do other things.  Also, I record about 5 shows that I obsessively watch, which makes even less time.

Blah.  Literally, blah.

I guess I wanted to say I got a job.  Oh it's at a distribution company.  I'm the "receptionist".  I make more money than my old job.  Figures.  It's a great company and I want to get into sales there.  Also, beer.

I'm so tired.  I can't sleep at night.  I am not a 630am waker.  I'm not sure I ever will be.

I am still talking to (having sex with?) Matt.  Korey, not so much.  What is wrong with me?  Not my choice really.  I would rather be talking to Korey.  I saw him for a bit on Saturday.  I called him after and we talked on the phone for like, an hour.  I kind of explained some things such as, my inability to trust people, my reservations in getting serious, I explained that I wasn't comparing him to Matt or asking Toon who I should really choose, but verifying to Jordan that Korey is way better than Matt.  I don't think he believed me.  

I've asked him to hang out since then, but he's been pretty unresponsive.  Meh.  Guess I fucked that up.  Makes no sense to me because he talked to me this weekend both days and said we should meet up Saturday.  I know he's been having to get up super early lately.  

I don't know.  It's exhausting trying to understand people.  And I know, I know...you can't, let it go, things will work out, etc, etc.  I know.  It's just so hard to actually do those things.  Especially when I want to psychoanalyze everything.

I'm not depressed right now, which is good.  But I do feel stuck in a rut.   I feel like (...ok let's be real, I am) I'm doing that thing where I need to be talking to/seeing someone to be happy with/verify myself.  That's a lot of //// and not nearly enough self love.  Damnit.  Self love is so hard!!!!!  

Also, if I don't move out soon...idk what.  I would say I'm going to go crazy, but I won't and I would say I might kill everyone, but I won't.  So I'll just be super bitter and pissed off basically.  

I suppose I don't have anything else to say.  I'm tired.  Probably won't sleep until 1 though.  Ugh.