Shocking

Do you ever have some outside source tell you something about yourself that you probably knew but didn't want to hear anyway?  That just happened to me.  I'm still reading Chopra's The Path to Love.  It's pretty good, but I leave it at work so I don't get to read it that often. 

Anyway, this chapter is on sex.  He gives you little quizzes throughout the book.  This quiz was obviously about sex.  Acoording to the quiz, I'm "very likely to be present with [my] sexuality and appreciative of sex as it is happening.  [I] don't have many fixed expectations or adherence to values outside [myself]."  Which is pretty healthy.  It was just an agree/disagree thing.  I only agreed with 5, which is in that healthy range.

One of my agree answers was, "I'm pretty insistent on getting sex when I want it".  This, apparently, is some sort of problem and Chopra says that even though the quiz has a wide range of possible meanings, this sexual block can indicate "hidden anger or sadism, self-absorption, or competitiveness".  Damn!!  How does my anger problem seriously come out in my sex life?!

Am I self absorbed?  I am pretty sure I'm not.  I mean, I think I'm pretty neat, but like I said I'm trying to love myself.  So I think self absorbed is a stretch.  I am kind of competitive though.  Not as much as I used to be.

And really, this is my biggest problem.  If I want to have sex, it should happen, immediately.  My thought was always; if I want to have sex with you, you should want to have sex with me.  Right now. I never really looked at it any other way.  How eye opening.  I'm such an asshole.  That's not a positive affirmation.

On another note, something in me is still definitely off.  It's affecting my entire body.  I've been exhausted lately.  My joints have been hurting, my back has been hurting.  My hip, the one that I had surgery on, has been killing me.  I stopped running because the pain was too intense.  I am still working out, but I couldn't handle the joint pain after running.  I still hurt, but not as intense.  But I feel that it gets worse every day.

I don't want to go to the doctor still.  I think I'm going to go to the chiropractor first.  And see Shaila's mom to do some healing touch on me. 

I know, deep down, that people have the ability to heal themselves.  I need to know how to do this.