So I've been browsing Pinterest. If you're ever on the verge of suicide, check out Pinterest and it's sure to drive you over the edge. All the bitches with 12 pack abs Pinned in "fitness" by people who will never look like that. Shut the fuck up. It literally kills me. Also all the engagement/wedding/baby photos. It's so fucking depressing. Along with all the quotes "Every girl wants a guy who will tell her she's beautiful without makeup" and blah blahh.
The thing is, I had that. That last thing, that is. Chris was so nice and complimenting. He would tell me I was beautiful without makeup, or right after I woke up in the morning. He always loved me, we rarely fought and I knew I could count on him if I needed anything. But he lied to me about his finances. Then one time, he supposedly thought I was cheating on him, he started emailing girls (I really think that's when our relationship took a turn for the worst). And finally, he couldn't take care of himself.
Since we've broken up all he's done is dig himself a hole. When we broke up I thought, "If he get himself together and proves to me he doesn't need me, I might get back together with him". Obviously that won't ever, ever be happening. Well, I mean, I hope he gets himself together. He's going to be 28 this year. That's insane to me. We got together when he was 23. Jeez. The anomaly of people is mind blowing.
Regardless, I see all these bitches (I'm sorry to be a female and use that term, but sometimes it's appropriate) who "just want a guy to tell her she's beautiful" or what the fuck ever, and it's like, no. No, that is not all you want. Raise your standards.
Over the past few weeks I've been realizing more and more how one-dimensional people are. Goes both ways, for guys and girls. Looks are the running forefront for "liking" someone when that should be one of the least important things. But that is not to say that attraction is not important. It is. But he/she shouldn't have to be a super model.
I find that a lot of the time, men have more of a problem with this than women. And it's generally the average looking men who expect to date Kate Upton. Oh men, when will you ever learn? Sorry, that's really sexist. But really. When you go to stick it in that bitch (I am awful; I have an awful, awful mouth) and she forgot her birth control for a week straight, you're not only going to have a baby with her dumbass, but it will probably be a dumb baby. Either that or she's smart and beautiful and wants nothing to do with a manchild. So get real.
Maybe I am jaded because of the situations I've been in. I gained weight after I did the calendar and GND contest because I hated the attention I got for it. I was half (or actually, completely) naked. Please don't hit on me, douche bag. If you want to hit on me just because of the way I look, I don't care if you Channing Tatum, I'm not going to fuck you. I have been losing the weight I gained because I personally wasn't happy with myself. But I can tell you, I will never, ever do any kind of sexualized photoshoot again.
It blows my mind that girls on Instagram post pictures of themselves in bikinis or underwear or whatever. I mean, duh guys are going to "like" it and comment. Does that make you anymore worthwhile as a human being? Absolutely not. Have some dignity, and with that you will earn respect. Don't take off your clothes and then complain that guys don't treat you right.
A friend of mine (guy) asked what I wanted out of life last night. The thing is, I don't know. And I don't know because society has driven into our minds what we want, and I don't want any of that. Therefore, I have no idea. I can tell you a billion things I don't want. I don't want to have kids. I don't want to "settle down" and buy a house and live in some shit hole area (because everywhere is a shit hole) for the rest of my life.
This is kind of crazy, but since I took an anthropology class freshman year of college, I've always wanted to go live with a tribe somewhere for awhile and study them. But I let my fear control that situation. Fear on like, a million different levels actually. Fears such as: being in a tribe I don't know their customs, language, etc. Fear of not being able to pay my bills. Fear of dying in the jungle lol.
I should release the fears and just do it. But then I would need funding. And probably a degree in anthropology to get the funding. I'd like to get my masters in anthropology, actually. Again, fears.
I clearly have completely derailed off the topic of relationships. So I'll get back on track. Girls, if you want to be in a relationship, don't jump on the first dude that shows interest. Don't take pics of yourself half naked and then date the douche that comments on it. Also, don't date the guy that tells you you're beautiful all the time. You are beautiful. You don't need anyone to tell you that.
Same goes for guys. Don't act desperate toward women. Also don't take douchey pics of yourself. Don't be too nice.
I hate when guys are too nice. Chris was often too nice to me. I get outta control, I need to be put in my place sometimes. He would try to put me in my place and I would pretty much tell him to fuck off because he was too nice about it. The only person in my life to ever put me in my place, and often, is Ashley. Because she can be scary and mean, and even when I'm drunk I listen to her.
Guys or girls looking for a relationship need to look for someone who is their equal, intellectually and spiritually. This will maintain a bond like most relationships do not have. Friendship is also important. You have to enjoy being around the person, even if you aren't naked. And finally, you have to both want to be in the relationship and want make it work. If you are unhappy, talk it out.
As for me right now, I am not ready for another relationship. Probably not for awhile. And this is coming from someone pretty jaded. But I am not against love, because love is everywhere. And so to attract the love you want, you have to first be that love you want. That's all.
Bitches O__O
lol
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