I have awesome decision making skills

No, no I really don't.  But I don't care. 

Wait. 

Sometimes I have awesome decision making skills.  Last night may have not been a good night for decision making.  I stayed at the bar until it closed.  I'm supposed to go to the Lady Antebellum concert tonight.  Or should I say, I am going.  If Ashley feels ok.  Which I'm sure she will. 

I really don't feel like going.  I'm hungover.  It's going to be 107 today.  I do not want to go sit outside for several hours.  Also I have no idea what the game plan is. 

I don't know why I make all these plans and then don't feel like doing them.  This week has kind of blown.  I think I said it my last post that I've just felt "off".  I still do.  I don't like it.  I can't figure out the source.  Thought it was Chris, but I've talked to him.  I don't want to strangle him any less, but at least I know what's going on.

I don't know what to do to fix this offness.  It's starting to get me down.  I know (I think?) it's normal to go through ups and downs.  But I really don't feel like being depressed right now.  And sometimes I get really depressed.  I don't want to do that.  I'm just trying to adjust to myself and be happy being me.  It's hard to love yourself when you're depressed.

And dude.  Like, what the fuck.  I just want to go home right now and sleep forever.

I also feel like I haven't talked to Matt in forever.  Which isn't really true, I just didn't talk to him yesterday.  That drives me crazy though.  Not that I need to talk to him every day.  Because I don't.  I don't know.  Half of me wants to ignore him until he talks to me (which I know he will) and the other half of me just wants to call him to hang out because he makes me feel better.

I usually have a solution to these kinds of situations, but right now I just feel unhappy and run down.  I would say maybe I'm feeling off because I'm going to start my period soon.  But that rarely happens, so I don't know why it would now.  I suppose it is possible though.

I did just have some kind of epiphany.  Errity posted this little gem of an article:  http://blogilates.com/motivational-2/finding-your-balance-why-you-shouldnt-be-obsessed-with-having-a-swimsuit-body  In this middle of reading it I started thinking about how the pain in my body from running has been really getting me down.  I tell people and they're like, "go to the doctor".  I don't want to go to the doctor.  It's expensive and all they do is give you some expensive solution.  I just had hip surgery a year ago.  I can't explain how badly I do not want to go to the doctor.

I know my body pretty well.  I am not meant to run.  I know this.  But I enjoy running.  So I try really, really hard to be able to.  I bought arch supports on Monday because I was tired of my feet/knees/hip hurting.  I get so pissed off at all these fucks that can just run all the time.  I really should just give it up and start a new workout routine.  But I don't want to.  It's not fucking fair.

What is fair?  Fuck.

I feel like my life is falling apart.  I know it's my fault.  And I know it's not really falling apart.  I need to get out of this weirdness.  It's making me so unhappy.

...............................
(*UPDATE*)

Oh Universe, you never cease to amaze me :-)

I am in a better mood suddenly.  The all-staff meeting was cancelled.  Then I read a quote from Peace Pilgrim, :-) who I just discovered and seems to be the most amazing lady ever.  Well, she is dead now, but you know what I mean.  The quote was "When you find peace within yourself, you become the kind of person who can live at peace with others".  I don't know why, but that spoke to my spirit and made me smile and I feel better now for some reason. 

This lady walked for 28 years in the name of peace.  That's insane.  And amazing.  What a beautiful lady.  Wikipedia says she died in a car accident.  I find that to me somewhat ironic.  Sychronicity at it's finest. 

I also believe I received a message today and I believe that message was for me to "wait".  I wrote it on my hand actually.  When I was on Pinterest I saw several Pins that spoke to me about waiting and something on Facebook AND Twitter.  So then I wrote it on my hand.  On the way home (half day Friday!) I played my new favorite song Hold On by Alabama Shakes, you should give them a list if you haven't, and in the part of it she sings, "You gotta WAIT" lol.  I was like, holy balls.  I can't get away from it.  So I'm waiting :-)

Thanks Universe, thanks Creator.  Thanks for life.