Isn't it weird how people are both very different but also the same? I mean, I believe that we're all connected and of one conscious mind, but as far as our humanness goes and not our spirit-ness. Our humanness is very different.
Today, my boss asked if we (Amy and me), thought it was morbid that she has thought about what she would say at her husband's funeral. I didn't think it was morbid (neither did Amy), but I thought it was kind of weird. Probably because I don't have a husband so why would I think about that?
Before we left for lunch & the Red Cross, I was looking at how to donate your body to the forensic anthropology center aka The Body Farm in Tennessee. Is that morbid? I mean, we're all going to (physically) die, so why not think about it? I didn't voice this to them, I don't feel that I know them well enough for them to know how strange I really am.
But as for people being different; I wonder why people (mostly females) waste so much time with being concerned about what other people think. I started thinking about it when my boss mentioned that she was going out of town this weekend and hoped she didn't bruise too badly from the blood donation. She said it was vain (lolllololll - I am such a nerd) but I got where she was coming from, kind of. I can see why you might care, but I don't.
Just like I don't care what color Ashley paints her nails; I don't even think about my nails. Or care. Seems like a waste of time/energy to me. I mean, don't get me wrong. If I'm going out, I like to look nice. If it's a special occasion, it matters to me how I look. But on a day to day basis, or if I'm just going somewhere mundane, I could really, really care less.
On a typical work day (no outings or meetings), I wake up at about 7:45. I leave my house by 8:00. My hair might be dirty. I don't care. There are 10 people other than myself in this building. I rarely leave my office. Why put time and effort into it when I could be sleeping?!
Even my family is caught up in that whole...appearance thing. My grandma and mom don't leave the house without make up. I can say, I have worn off on my mom a little bit. On occasion she will run errands after working out or not take a shower on a lazy day.
However, my grandma presents everything as if life was straight out of Better Homes and Gardens. No shit. I mean, she has never worked, so she has the time. I guess it's like her hobby, so I can't really come down on it. It's just material and strange to me. I will never decorate for every damn holiday or wake up at 6am just to get ready for the day, when the day doesn't start until 8:30. How exhausting.
.........
Completely unrelated, but sometimes I literally have this to remember my thoughts. SO I was laying in bed reading and Matt text me saying that we should just have sex all tomorrow night (which is Friday). UH DUH.
This presents many problems for me. For one, I have plans with Ashley. She is really excited about this. I mean, she'll go whether I do or not. But I know she really wants me to go. BUT...and here is the biggest problem...I would rather hang out with Matt.
This is really two problems in itself. One, because my loyalties should be to Ashley, who will be super pissed at me, and two, alskdjvdihviudfhvajng. Two - I don't know how I feel about knowing how I feel about the situation. Read that again, it does make sense. I want to punch myself in the face for feeling the way I do, for real.
THAT being said, if I was on AIM or something, I would email both my convo with him and Shaila to myself. Shaila is killing me right now with her love wisdom. It both makes me want to squeeze her, and maybe squeeze her a little too hard so she can't breathe :-)
I love Shaila and her like-mindedness to me. And, I love Matt and his ability to surprise me. That was totally puke worthy.
I told Shaila that I had to tell her, because I had to tell someone, that I was going to hang out with Matt over Ashley. She said, "who the fuck are you"? lol and with good point, I don't do that shit. And I also said, idk what is wrong with me?! To which she said that I love him and am "dick whipped"...what a bitch! Which I said to her. The she launched into something like, "You can't help it, you cannot control all of your emotions or reactions, get used to it. It's not like he's getting the best of you, you mutually like each other. So let go and enjoy it and stop analyzing". Then told me to ditch my friends for a guy just like any other girl with a crush would do. Do I hug or punch her? :-) OH and she told me she was happy to see me enjoying myself and engaging with someone. Damnit Shay!
I don't know why I am so guarded with Matt. Well, maybe I do. I am not usually like that though. And Shaila is right, I can't always have control over how I feel. I think that's my biggest problem. I didn't want to feel like this. Therefore, it shouldn't happen. It's almost best case scenario though. As I said before, Matt's not invasive. I still get to be me and figure out me, by myself. He gets his space. I do wish that I was a little more open with him and he was a little more open with me. But he may not be open because I'm not, who knows. Reflection, right?
Either way, Happy Friday :-)
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