The office is so quiet today. There is like, no one here. And it's half day Friday. Painful.
Before I discuss what I really want to talk about, I want to bitch for a second. And before I bitch, I want to state that I am bad at "the game". What game? Idk, the dating game apparently. Or...theeee....we're not really dating game? I don't fucking know, but I'm bad at it.
Matt and I hung out 6 days in a row. SIX! And he asked me to hang out pretty much all of those days. Which is fine, cool, whatever. I usually don't have much going on, so if you ask me to hang out, chances are I'm going to say yes. Anyway, six days in a row. No hangout Wednesday though, but I talked to him that day. Yesterday, Thursday, nothing. All day, nothing.
WHAT IS THIS GAME?! Does he want space? I didn't ask him to hang out six days in a row, if he needs space, that's his own fault. Am I supposed to get ahold of him? Again, wtf IS this?!
As far as expectations, I have none really. I am just confused. Is that an expectation? I mean...I guess him talking to me is an expectation. I am trying really hard not to have expectations. Damn, it's hard. Especially when I know he obviously likes me, but I don't know what I want out of the situation, let alone what he wants.
I do know that he doesn't want me to have sex with anyone else. Normally, that's fine. But Brian is in town and litterally badgering me to have sex with him. Like, every night he texts me. And I am having this internal struggle because I know Matt would get mad, and I don't want to make him mad or upset because I really like him. BUT...if we aren't together, and we've been seeing each other for like...almost three months, why the fuck shouldn't I?
I know that your relationships are a reflection of yourself. I know that I am having and issue with this because I, myself, don't know what I want. That would lead me to believe that he doesn't know either; reflection. I don't know how to determine what I want either. But I do know that this game is killing me. I do know that even though I'm attracted to Brian, I would rather not have sex with him for fear or losing Matt. And that kind of scares me. I don't want to think about this anymore. At all.
So moving on.
Last night, I went to the soft opening of the 2nd Global Brew location. It was a lot of fun. I went with Ashley, Courtney and Shannan. We stayed until about...9? 10? I have no idea. Then we went to some place called...Silver Creek? Did I make that up? Idk it's a bar that has a nursing home sounding name. Some dude showed up with Shannan, Amy came, which is amazing, and Ashley had a fish named Chris show up. He seemed nice.
Courtney and I were talking about Josh. She said she has accepted his death at this point. I feel sad for her and her mom. I did drunkenly tell her that, even though it is sad and sucks, that death isn't something to fear. It was probably not a conversation to have after a lot of drinking, but I felt the need to put it out there. I'll actually see her tonight for dinner. I forgot how much I missed her :-) I'm glad she's not moving to New Orleans.
I was super tired last night, after not sleeping pretty much all week. I started to fall asleep at the table lol. And ok, I was pretty drunk. But not that drunk and one of the guys that works there was like..."Are you ok? Can you sit up? Are you going to throw up?" lololll. Dude, I am fine. I made Ashley leave after that. When we got home I ate the rest of my left over pseudo-sushi (I only eat veggie sushi, which can't be considered real sushi, right?). Ashley took a picture of me eating it because she's an asshole.
I hate that it's Friday and I get to leave work early and then attend meeting before going to dinner with Court. I feel as if this has been the longest week of my life. I'm exhausted. I need a long nap.
No comments:
Post a Comment