Sexist as fuck

So I originally started this post talking about The Path to Love which I'm still reading, but now I would like to once again talk about THE GAME.  Which, by the way, is a complete 180 from talking about the book.  Oh well.

Not the dating game, though.  The "I'm a dumb fucking guy" game.  Which I know is super sexist, but really.  Guys fucking floor me.  And not in a sexual, sexy, fuck-me-on-the-floor way.  Floor like, you make me wanna put my gas pedal to the floor and run off a cliff, killing myself and maybe you too, kind of way. 

I am going to try to separate all of these instances, but they all kind of intertwine, so it may be hard.  That being said, I'll start with Lance, Ashley's cousin, who I went to the wedding with.  I have been politely ignoring him since the wedding.  He's asked me to go to the lake orrrr whatever.  I tell him I'm busy.  Guys don't usually respond well when you tell them you're seeing someone.  They usually respond with something like, "So, he doesn't have to know", like Brian did.  Which is usually my frame of mind too, but so far that's gotten me no where so I'm giving up that behavior.  It is also really shitty.

I finally just gave in and told him I was seeing someone, and true to belief HE SAID IT (literally as I was typing this), "You don't have to lie, just don't tell him".  Fuck.  Fuck you guys!  Also, saying things like, "You are really beautiful" or "I liked hanging out with you, you're an interesting girl", while true, does not disguise the fact that really, you just want to fuck me.  That is good and well, BUT...BUT...please shut up.  OBVIOUSLY I know I can fuck someone and not tell Matt.  But I don't want to, and he wouldn't do that to me.  So stop.  Also, it makes you look sad and pathetic.  Anyway, I finally got him to stop.

Next...Chris.  I think I mentioned the other day that I shouldn't have asked him to kill the snake.  I stand by that statement.  Sunday he asked me to come over.  WHY, I will never know.  Obviously, I didn't go.  That would be strange and awkward (such is my life, clearly).  Also, he hasn't paid the phone bill.  AND NOW IT'S LATE.  If you want to be chummy with me, then get shit done.  Oh my God, I cannot even begin to express the anger that I feel right now.  I have called him NO LESS than 15 times.  I've left THREE voicemails and sent four texts since yesterday.  DO NOT FUCK WITH ME, I GET SHIT DONE.

Also, what is with your tiny bird-brained mind?  If you can't pay your fucking bills on time, why would I ever want to be with you?!  I don't want kids, let alone a full-grown man who can't even wipe his own ass.  Why does this not make perfect sense?

THEN I call his work.  Because, once again, don't fuck with me.  I will find you.  I will make your life hell.  After spending four years with me, you think he would know this.  So he calls me from his co-workers phone.  COOL.  He told me his phone wasn't working about 10 days ago.  Then, after he killed the snake, suddenly, it worked perfectly.  Perfectly enough for him to text me every day.  UNTIL THE FUCKING PHONE BILL WAS LATE.  Then it stopped working.  Weird.  And totalllyyy believable. 

After I laid into him for several minutes he said he was "busy" last night and didn't have time to pay the bill.  That's funny because I happen to know he got paid on the 15th.  Today is the 27th.  Sooooo, what is it he's been doing that has kept him busy for the past 12 days straight???  And remind me again why he couldn't just be responsible and pay the fucking bill without my harassment.  Or....ORRRRR get a hold of me and let me know exactly what the fuck is going on and why?  Why act like it's such an inconvenience for me to call WHEN IT'S YOUR RESPONSIBILITY.  Oh God, I'm giving myself a migraine.

Am I a dumbass?  What am I putting out that is reflecting such stupidity back to me?  I cannot fucking WAIT until this phone contract is up and the stupid fucking TV is paid off so I never have to talk to him again.  I never thought I would say that.  But for God's sake, BE A MAN.  Maybe don't even be a man, be a fucking functioning member of society.  No one's going to wipe your ass forever, especially not me.

I was also going to talk about Matt.  But, actually, right now I want to squeeze him for not being annoying/dumb as fuck.  It's refreshing.  I'll take that a sign from the Universe (multiverse ;-) ) that I should love him and we should be together forever.

Because if guys can be bat-shit crazy, why can't I?

Although, I'm pretty sure that it was clear before that I am pretty crazy.