I'm still confused

I think I may be dumb, but this site is really confusing to me.


Regardless, I have some life developments that I need to talk to myself about :-)
That's what really matters.
Also, I think I should upload a pic b/c I don't have one and it's bugging me.  Whatever.


Anyway, so I came into work Wednesday (duh, I work every day) and my boss was actually here.  She's been out of town a lot for work lately. It's been really boring...moving on.  I heard her talking on the phone since her office butts up to mine and I swear if you fart we could hear it.  I wasn't eavesdropping, I just have ears.  But I heard her say something like, "I'm sorry you have to leave, but I understand and wish you the best of luck" or something along those lines.  I was interested, but not enough to ask.  Then she came into my office and told me that the manager in Little Rock resigned.  That was really shocking to me, but people leave here all the time, even in the three, short months I've been here several people have left.


This got the wheels turning in my head because, let's be real, my position is boring and I'm overqualified for it anyway.  So I mulled it over for a bit, and emailed several of my mentors to see what they thought, anddd asked Katie who works in the office with me.  They were all in agreeance so I called my boss and told her I was interested in the position.  She sounded shocked but happy.  Probably because it's less work on her, if I were to get it.


So this was Wednesday, right?  It's Friday now.  When I got into my office yesterday Mary (boss) called almost as soon as I sat down.  She told me to email her the job description for the position and that she hadn't talked to Chris, our regional boss, yet.


A few hours later, Courtney, who is the one resigning, called me.  She gave me the rundown on what's going on in Little Rock, what I would need to work on, said I could come stay with her and check the area out, etc etc.


So here's my question: What does it all MEAN?! I know Chris and Mary have to have a conversation about the situation, still.  And Chris probably also has to have a conversation with our CEO.  But how long will this take?  In the mean time, I am going absolutely crazy. 


I mean, let's be real.  This is a huge jump for me.  And I'm scared to death.  That's the fun of life, BUT I don't like waiting.  Apparently life is testing me like I've never been tested before.  I think I'm handling it quite well, to be completely honest.  I've changed a lot, for the better (my humble opinion), over the past several years.  Clearly not enough to gain patience, though.  I guess I'll be unwillingly working on that.


Aside from this work shit, other things are clearly going on.  That have to do with patience.  Or something.  I'm not sure what is really has to deal with or really how I feel about it.  So let's candidly lay this out.  It's going to be awkward, so prepare for that.


I've been seeing this guy I graduated with.  Fucking weird right?  That was like, my #1 goal in life; never date anyone from high school.  I could have turned into a drug riddled prostitute and that may have been better, I don't know.  Yet, here I am.  Figures.


He had been trying to hang out with me for awhile.  I put it off for a long time, for several reasons.  Reason #1 is clearly stated above.  Reason #2, to be utterly and completely honest, is because I thought he was a giant douchebag in high school (I am such a bitch, but not alone in this thought, to be defensive).  Reason #3 is because I cannot take him seriously.  Those are all pretty valid reasons, right?  I feel they are.


With those things being said, I clearly gave in and went out with him anyway.  Needless to say, this was a huge personal tank on my part, and not only that but I had sex with him too.  Double whammy; I suck at life. 


So now I've been seeing him for like...idk several weeks.  I'm unsure how I feel about the entire situation.  As far as he goes, I actually really like him.  He's funny and we have fun and I like having sex with him.  I think that these feelings my be superficial though, and I say this only because the more we hang out, the more I realize I don't really know anything about him b/c he's always joking around and not serious.  And I'm a pretty open person, and he's not really.  He hides this with his constant casual & non serious tone.  Occasionally he'll be serious and tell me he really likes me or something, and that's nice, but it tricks me.  Because can you really like someone you know nothing about?  But he undoubtedly knows a million times more about me than I know about him.


And I want to ask him more.  But I feel like it will make him pull away.  Which annoys me, but do I really care?  I'm not sure.  It would definitely bother me, but for how long?  Also, if I end up moving, does it really matter?  The thing is, I feel this strong pull to him.  It really angers to me to admit that.  So what's that about?  Both the feeling and the anger?  And this is weird too:  Even if he decided he didn't want to date me anymore, my feelings would be hurt, but I would like to be friends with him.  What does it all mean?  Why doesn't someone give you all the answers in life?


I think I'm done talking.  This is literally the longest blog about nothing, ever.