Revisiting

The other day I mentioned that I needed to define my goals.  This is true, but it's going to be very difficult because my goals are conflicting.  I contribute this to being, for once, a typical female.  Which never happens to me.  I don't think I'm a typical human being, let alone a typical female.  But who really feels they are?  Who knows.

All of this jabber is arbitrary, I'm just avoiding this because I don't know where to start. 

I guess I could start with the most vague and simplistic goal I have, which is to be happy.  I don't think anyone wants to be miserable, but considering the state of the world, I think many people might enjoy being miserable.  So, I feel that it can't be said that everyone has this goal.  Because if they did, they would work towards it, right?  Instead of being a moping bag of shit?  I think so.  I could be wrong.  But this is about me right now, not them.

So, if I want to be happy, I have to do things that are going to aid in my happiness (duh).  Ultimately in life, I want to do these things: travel as many places as possible (expensive) and help others (super cheap).  It is my belief that these things are directly correlated.  If one selflessly helps others, one will be rewarded by the universe for serving the greater good.  Or I would hope. 

Now here is the girl side of me: I don't want to do these things alone.  As I have said before, I am very companion oriented.  I like to have someone to share my experiences with.  The problem with this is, I have not found someone with the same desires as me.  Which is ok, for now.  Especially because I don't have the money to travel like I want to anyway.  I feel that it will happen naturally, with time.  And I don't want to rush into anything because I'm tired of wasting my time.

I do feel like I'm getting old though.  Which is not only ridiculous, it's completely untrue.  I mean, yeah, I'm 25.  But my great grandma is going to be 97 in three months and my great, great aunt is 98.  I can only hope I do not live that long.  Which sounds asshole-y, but we all know that elders are treated shitty.  Therefore, I would rather be dead.  But looking at it that way, I'm slightly over a quarter of my lifespan.

With that being said, guys are also fucking crazy assholes, and (in my mind) the older they get, the more crazy they are and more likely they are alone for a reason.  Maybe I am just being the asshole, which is possible, and completely rude and judgemental of me.  I should release that assumption.

Now that I have said all this...I don't feel any better about it :-)  Oh well.