Today could literally make or break me. It seems that all of my life developments happen at the same time. This is not only nerve wrecking for me, it also puts an intense strain on my sanity and has an adverse affect on the personal progress I've made.
I am trying to take deep breaths to calm myself; it is not working.
My in-office boss, Mary, talks today with Chris, my regional boss, about the Little Rock position today. This afternoon to be precise. You know...because the universe loves to make me wait. What a huge life-determiner.
Along with that, I am tired of fucking around with Matt, and I asked him what he wants from me. Which is equally, if not more, nerve wrecking.
I suddenly feel as if I might have a panic attack. Or throw up. Or maybe both. Either way, I am not feeling well.
I am always supposed to ask myself, "What would someone who loves themselves do"? My answer to this question currently would be the obvious, don't freak out.
How does one simply go about "not freaking out". It's just my mind/body's natural reaction. If I could so easily do that, I wouldn't have had this problem my entire life. Not only that, but I have no idea how to fix it. Other than Xanax, which I hate taking. Or crying...which I'm at work.
Sometimes, I do not function well in life.
How do you just stop thinking about something? I try to meditate, I have never been successful in completely freeing my mind of thought. And honestly, while I can shove these things out of my mind temporarily, they always seem to come back.
If I make it through today without a complete mental breakdown, I will be highly impressed.
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